I feel…

Stressed out, that’s how I feel. I’m 24 and unemployed, I hate my chosen career but I’m not good at anything else. In fact, I’m not very good in my field of “expertise” either. That may have something to do with me hating it. When did I become unqualified for life? I really don’t see myself heading anywhere positive within the next couple of months so I really have nothing to look forward to. Everything I do I feel is not good enough…maybe I should just try harder. I envy people with infinite sources of positivity. I wish I was one of them. I’ve been stagnating for so long that now, when I want to do something with my life, I don’t think there’s anything I can offer to the world. If only I could turn back time…I would do so many things differently.

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Rethinking life

Wow! Only two posts since I’m here…shocking! Not really, though. I’ve always been the kind of person who never finishes what she starts. This is no exception I guess. Remember the days when you were a kid and everything seemed possible? I do, and I know what my dreams were. They were grand, and I was sure as hell I’ll make them come true. It’s so easy being a kid – your whole life’s ahead of you. One minute you’re 16 and you know one day you’ll become exactly what you want to be; the next minute you’re 24 and you see you’re not even close. Now, before you say I’m an idiot because I’m still young and what not, understand that my age is not the issue. The issue is the years went by and I did absolutely nothing to TRY and achieve what I always thought was my “destiny”. I always thought I was talented, smart and capable of great things. Somehow, though, none of those “characteristics” were proven plausible. Not in my case anyway.

The scariest part for me is the feeling I have that says I’ll always stay the same. Sure, I’ve changed a lot since I was a kid, but the truly important parts about myself that I needed to change I didn’t. Why is that? I know what they are, why is it so hard for me to just say “snap out of it you big coward!”? When will I start fighting for what I want?