Positive…negative

I remember when I was younger a lot of things got to me. Wars, poverty, injustice, hate…I don’t mean it got to me like it did other people. I mean I would break down and cry every single time I would even think of something like that. I actually remember when I started changing (it wasn’t that long ago). It was my sophomore year in college and I remember that was one of the very last times I really got suicidal about someone else’s unhappiness or misery. Since then I can’t say I stopped caring about these things but rather that I stopped caring about ALL things. Before, when I was interested in something I would do it, no matter the time required. Now, I am a class A procrastinator. On top of that, I also lose interest in things too fast. My initial motivation is through the roof and I feel like I’ve finally found something that could make me happy. That state lasts for about…well, it lasts for that WHOLE day (lol). By tomorrow I’ve already lost interest. I do it still, but I don’t really WANT to. I must sound like a moron. Well, maybe I am one, someone’s gotta fill that role too! I guess what I’m asking myself is why did I stop caring about things and why can’t I just be happy and satisfied. You know how people say “If I could just have this…then…”. Yeah, that’s bull. Not only am I not happy once I get it but I’m not even aware that I’m unhappy. It’s only recently that I noticed I am NEVER happy or satisfied. Of course, other people had to point that out and once they did I was shocked. Now I don’t want to do anything anymore because everything seems futile…What am I doing things for if they’re not going to fulfill me in the end? Help.

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