Unfortunately, I am a smoker. I know…it’s filthy and disgusting, and I agree with you. That is the reason why I’ve tried to quit multiple times. I failed every time. What’s even worse, I’m not even a nicotine addict – just a smoking addict. I can go on days without lighting a single cigarette, or even wanting to, but as soon as I have a sip of beer or coffee, I panic if I don’t have cigarettes on me. There’s also another reason why I smoke, I think. You see, whenever I meet my friends I have this incredible urge to smoke. Without smoking, I’m no fun, nor am I amused by others. In fact, in the period of three months that I’ve stopped smoking, I didn’t have the need to meet anyone. Everyone seemed so boring and being in a coffee shop with friends was the last thing I wanted to do.
Lately, I’ve started contemplating quitting again, although I’m having great difficulties dissing this terrible habit. I’m also somewhat depressed, which often stops me from caring about my well-being. Up until a minute ago I was in a very poor mental state. Then, I poured myself a beer and lit a cigarette. Now, I feel fine. In fact, I even gathered enough willpower and motivation to start writing this. This makes me think I probably have a problem, if not more than just one. When I’m enthusiastic and in a general positive mood, I don’t want to smoke. At those times I feel I might never light up a cigarette again. Then comes the moral downfall and I couldn’t care less if I get lung cancer.
I’ve just finished my cigarette and drank my beer and I feel my motivation coming to an end. When I started writing this I really felt like I had something important to say…Now, I don’t feel like writing anymore…Maybe I’ll come back to this once I have another beer ready.